It seems more logical that we would release those things that hurt us, yet we cannot let them go.
This is due to constipation...emotional constipation.
I would like to tell you a little about my experiences. First of all I think i should introduce myself. I am an eighteen year old girl, im no professional, but i am experiencing life, a life full of rocky emotions and intense feelings. I am learning to discover the real me, its a work in progress, but thats the thing, its progress! It sure hurts, and im scared, but i have a fervent desire to find peace and tranquility. There is no use to try acting like a martyr or a victim anymore, because those things are false sacrifices for OTHER people. But i want to live for myself, because those people will come and go, but i wont. So i might as well start living for me, i WANT to discover me. So here it goes....Every time someone or something breaks my heart, i bite my tongue and try to deal with the pain. Im trying so desperately to be responsible with how i deal with my emotions, that i fear i sometimes miss the point. I can address my feelings but its discovering comfortable and comforting ways of doing so. Sometimes i don't feel ready or safe to cry, or to talk, but for some reason, the arts are always safe places for me to turn. The tension i feel inside me, that im afraid to let go of, [because it stands as a barrier between me and connection] is released when i draw, or sing, or play the piano. Those are places of safe expression, not the expression of my false self, but my true talents and loves. When i was little, i always turned to anger as a way of relieving myself from the discomfort, but I began to feel that the outbursts were irresponsible and harmful to others. So in response i decided to hold onto those feelings, with all the grit i had, i would not scream at my mom again, i would not yell and lose control again! However my emotions were still there, regardless of my recognition. My feelings of anger have since turned into anxiety. I used to think that anger was a worse coping mechanism because it hurts more people. Not so. Anxiety removes me from others, it consumes my thoughts and i become rather selfish. So why am i saying all this? Because there are unthreatening ways of expression that can coax us out of our removed disconnected facade. Art is a way for me to find me, without feeling nervous that other people will, before i'm ready. It's okay if you aren't ready to share who you really are yet, but i had to take a leap of faith to at least trust myself. Writing in a journal is a very beneficial way for me to connect my mind, heart, and body together. I literally feel the angry emotions leave my hand. Now i'm not trying to claim that you don't need to feel your feelings, or confront people, or whatever else there is. I am simply stating that there is a way of beginning the process. Because when i sing or draw, i can feel whatever i want, because its something i can call my own. Maybe art isn't the way for you. If you have never tried dancing or singing or drawing or writing, i would suggest giving it a shot. If that just doesn't speak to you, try something else! Anything that you feel drawn to or passionate about. Animals have a tremendous ability to help me work through my feelings! When i need someone to listen, i go to my horse. I promise you, emotional constipation isn't really worth it, yeah it's worked for a while, but the discomfort will get worse. Affirm to yourself that you are lovable and acceptable, and simply try, try to uncover the real you, and realease those toxins!
